They say friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies. Well, I haven't had the need to call on my friends to help me move bodies, fortunately, but I count myself lucky to have some really good friends. While my female friends are wonderful, it's my male friends I want to mention here.
Every gal needs male friends, buddies. I'm not talking about my significant other, he fills a place in my life like no other can. I'm talking about those other male friends. I hope you have all experienced having at least one. I have been blessed with four of them: Greg, Tom, Kevin and Tim. And for inquiring minds, all of them have helped me move.
I grew up with Greg, he lived up the street. Our moms taught catechism together. We knew each other as little kids but it wasn't until high school that we became buddies. Even though we lost touch for a few years, Greg has always been there for me and he always will. And even though we live over 500 miles apart, there's phones and visits. Greg has also brought other wonderful additions to my life, in his wife Rhonda, who is as kindred a spirit as I will ever find, and their daughters Jessica and Allison, who I love to pieces. I'm sure if I knew Rhonda's sons better, they would be just as simpatico.
I met Tom in junior high school / 9th grade. He was a sophomore in high school and was the student assistant to our Science Club. I didn't know it at the time but he was also friends with my brothers Mark and John, being in English class with Mark and in the Rocket Club with John. Tom hadn't put the three of us together either until John invited him home one day after school. It went something like this:
Tom: Oh, you invited Mark over too?
John: No, he's my brother <grumble, grumble>.
Tom: Don't tell me, she's your sister?
John: <grumble, grumble>
I will always be grateful to Tom for taking me to my Junior Prom. It was our one attempt to see if there could be something more than friendship between us. We decided not to try for more, we valued our friendship too much. Tom moved away and I miss him. He recently contacted me on Facebook, hopefully we'll keep in touch better.
Kevin came in to my life at one of my darkest moments and provided a ray of sunshine. He was there for me as my marriage crumbled, providing me with moral support, believing in me and my worth as a person, letting me know that I matter, that I would get through it and just being there for a shoulder to cry on. And I'm sure he went home many times with a soggy shirt. Kevin flits in and out of my life. We can go for two or three years with little or no contact and then take up our friendship like it was yesterday. I am so glad he found such a wonderful woman in Eileen and I wish them many happy years together.
Tim is the newcomer to the list, if ten years can be considered new. He came as a package deal with his wife Tracy, who is just as marvelous. Along with Greg and Rhonda and another high school friend, Ruth, Tim and Tracy saw me through my diagnosis of ITP and my first round with Rituxan. Tim was Don's friend before me and they're still friends, we can share. Don met Tim's wife Tracy when I was in Sacramento and kept telling me that I should get together with Tracy, he thought we would be friends. I kept wondering what I would have in common with a former Army gal, a stay at home mom with three kids? But hey, I'm game. It was a great decision! Someday I'll write about my gal friends, including Tracy, but Tim joined the elite group of male buddies. Yes, we moved away from Sacramento and they stayed but distance doesn't mean much when you're friends. Tim also has the dubious honor of dealing with me through work also. He's at the other end of my Duty Officer assignments.
I could tell any of my male friends anything. And I mean ANYTHING! They wouldn't bat an eyelash. It could be the most female secret in the world or some functioning female body part thing. They'd listen, they'd input and they wouldn't judge. I think that's the best thing about having good friends. And when they're male good friends, it adds an interesting dimension to their input.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
My First Loves
Just about every girl gets a schoolgirl crush. Goodness knows I've had my share. But I've also had some really nice first loves.
I was a product of daycare. They didn't call it that back then, it was called pre-school. Well I went to pre-school at about age 3. At four I started kindergarten, being an October kid, and the pre-school provided after-school care to the morning kindergarten kids. Tommy also went to the same pre-school and kindergarten. His grandfather was a cobbler. I don't remember why Tommy lived with his grandfather or what happened to his parents. It's strange how the little details of life escape us (although I'm not so sure its a little detail to him!). Anyway, there was a group of about eight of us kindergarten kids who would get dropped off at pre-school each morning and walk together the mile down Minnesota Avenue to kindergarten. Rain or shine. After school, we would walk back. Tommy and I would hold hands. One day we stopped behind a tree and Tommy kissed me. I was five years old and in love for the first time. I went to a different school the next year (the parochial elementary school was 1st through 8th grades only at the time, it had no kindergarten) and eventually Tommy and his grandfather moved away.
Fast forward to 3rd grade... Mitch was in my class. He was funny, very funny. He was also fun to be around. And we liked each other. We liked to do much of the same things and we had a lot in common, both being from big families, going to the same church and more. He was Italian. I'd never been close to anyone Italian before. Going to his house was like stepping in to a whole new world. Food was always cooking. Kids were running around even wilder than my brothers and all the kids were happy. Manners were strictly observed and enforced, especially at the dinner table. For my birthday, Mitch gave me a little coin purse with pink fur on it with "google eyes" and a felt nose and mouth. I loved it and treasured it for many years, keeping it in my treasure box. Every young girl should have a treasure box, mine was an old cigar box (remember those?). Eventually we grew apart and found new friends. By high school I knew that the relationship would never have worked out as Mitch was not interested in females by then.
It was my 15th birthday party. It was one of the best birthdays I ever had. There is an advantage having a birthday a few days before Halloween - costume parties!!! My friend Theresa asked if she could bring her new boyfriend, Marc, and his friend. I said sure! After all, it was a party, the more the merrier. We probably had 30 kids there. It was fun, not a wild party. My parents were around, of course. We played silly games and bobbed for apples. Now if you can image 15-year-old girls with all their regular make-up and any extra for our costumes, well, coming up from bobbing for apples, we looked like drowned raccoons with wet hair and mascara running down our faces. But it was okay, it was a party and it was fun. Did I mention Marc's friend? Well he was my first very serious love. Dominic and I dated for a year and half. He was fun, a year older but in my class, and he had his driver's license. Until he bought his own, he could borrow his dad's or brother's car. Theresa, Marc, Dom and I were a foursome seen together a lot. I remember my first almost-kiss from him. We went to the Homecoming Dance a week after my birthday party. Dom's brother Vince drove the four of us - Vince was a senior with no date and the four of us were sophomores. On way back to the car, Dom pulled me into an alcove at the school, said how much he liked me and asked if he could kiss me. When I said yes, Dom came closer for the kiss just as Vince shined the car's headlights on us yelling, "Are you coming or not?" I did get my kiss that night, at my front door, which is not a bad place for a first kiss from a new boyfriend, even with a bratty older brother spying on you from the kitchen window (obviously he didn't have a date for the Homecoming Dance as he was a senior). Dominic was also Italian. My parents let me go to his house at Christmas, after our Christmas festivities were done. His mom cooked for days. This was a cultural experience for me. Christmas at our house was typically turkey and all the trimmings, sometimes with ham also and always, Pa's pies. Dom's mother made lasagna, ravioli, sausage, spaghetti with meat balls, green salad, gnocci and dessert was cannoli and a fruit tart - all of it homemade from scratch. (I got to help with the ravioli the day before in the morning.) At the time, we were sure Dom and I would spend the rest of our lives together. No, he wasn't my intellectual equal but he was nice, fun, had a big heart and we loved each other to pieces. Unfortunately I was a high school girl and you know high school girls, it IS all about us, or so I thought. I was selfish and learned to regret that, unfortunately by then it was too late. It was a learning experience but that break-up hurt. It hurt a lot. Dom and I broke up a week before our Junior Prom. (One of my male buddies asked me to the Prom and I gladly accepted - he and I decided we were too good of friends to try to ruin it with a romantic relationship and we remain friends to this day.)
They say time heals all wounds and three months later I found a new attraction the summer I was 16. This relationship would have obstacles from the "get go" including distance, 800 miles worth of distance and that was just a start. I met Kelly in Canada. We were at the Young Life camp called Malibu. It was a one-week camp and afterward we corresponded. I lived in San Jose, CA, and he lived in Alder, WA, a little town outside of Eatonville (which as coincidence would have it, is where my former Junior Prom date now lives, Eatonville was established by his relatives). After graduation I went to college in my hometown and Kelly went into the Air Force. I'm not sure if this was really love or if it was more of the idea of romance, he was kind of a bad boy and this was my first experience with a bad boy. Kelly had military leave the Christmas I was 18 and I was invited to his home for the week after Christmas. I went, we discovered we did have feelings for each other. My parents gave me permission to get engaged, if that happened. Well, Kelly and I almost ran off and eloped. What stopped us was that Kelly wasn't sure of the logistics of showing up back at the air base in Biloxi, Mississippi with a new wife in tow. So we decided to wait and write. It was a good decision. Eventually the letters became fewer and far between.
I will always remember my first loves with fondness. I have no clue whatever happened to Tommy or Kelly. Dom's life took some interesting twists and turns. Unfortunately Mitch's life ended much too soon.
And in case anyone is wondering, I'm very happy with the love I have now. He's a keeper.
I was a product of daycare. They didn't call it that back then, it was called pre-school. Well I went to pre-school at about age 3. At four I started kindergarten, being an October kid, and the pre-school provided after-school care to the morning kindergarten kids. Tommy also went to the same pre-school and kindergarten. His grandfather was a cobbler. I don't remember why Tommy lived with his grandfather or what happened to his parents. It's strange how the little details of life escape us (although I'm not so sure its a little detail to him!). Anyway, there was a group of about eight of us kindergarten kids who would get dropped off at pre-school each morning and walk together the mile down Minnesota Avenue to kindergarten. Rain or shine. After school, we would walk back. Tommy and I would hold hands. One day we stopped behind a tree and Tommy kissed me. I was five years old and in love for the first time. I went to a different school the next year (the parochial elementary school was 1st through 8th grades only at the time, it had no kindergarten) and eventually Tommy and his grandfather moved away.
Fast forward to 3rd grade... Mitch was in my class. He was funny, very funny. He was also fun to be around. And we liked each other. We liked to do much of the same things and we had a lot in common, both being from big families, going to the same church and more. He was Italian. I'd never been close to anyone Italian before. Going to his house was like stepping in to a whole new world. Food was always cooking. Kids were running around even wilder than my brothers and all the kids were happy. Manners were strictly observed and enforced, especially at the dinner table. For my birthday, Mitch gave me a little coin purse with pink fur on it with "google eyes" and a felt nose and mouth. I loved it and treasured it for many years, keeping it in my treasure box. Every young girl should have a treasure box, mine was an old cigar box (remember those?). Eventually we grew apart and found new friends. By high school I knew that the relationship would never have worked out as Mitch was not interested in females by then.
It was my 15th birthday party. It was one of the best birthdays I ever had. There is an advantage having a birthday a few days before Halloween - costume parties!!! My friend Theresa asked if she could bring her new boyfriend, Marc, and his friend. I said sure! After all, it was a party, the more the merrier. We probably had 30 kids there. It was fun, not a wild party. My parents were around, of course. We played silly games and bobbed for apples. Now if you can image 15-year-old girls with all their regular make-up and any extra for our costumes, well, coming up from bobbing for apples, we looked like drowned raccoons with wet hair and mascara running down our faces. But it was okay, it was a party and it was fun. Did I mention Marc's friend? Well he was my first very serious love. Dominic and I dated for a year and half. He was fun, a year older but in my class, and he had his driver's license. Until he bought his own, he could borrow his dad's or brother's car. Theresa, Marc, Dom and I were a foursome seen together a lot. I remember my first almost-kiss from him. We went to the Homecoming Dance a week after my birthday party. Dom's brother Vince drove the four of us - Vince was a senior with no date and the four of us were sophomores. On way back to the car, Dom pulled me into an alcove at the school, said how much he liked me and asked if he could kiss me. When I said yes, Dom came closer for the kiss just as Vince shined the car's headlights on us yelling, "Are you coming or not?" I did get my kiss that night, at my front door, which is not a bad place for a first kiss from a new boyfriend, even with a bratty older brother spying on you from the kitchen window (obviously he didn't have a date for the Homecoming Dance as he was a senior). Dominic was also Italian. My parents let me go to his house at Christmas, after our Christmas festivities were done. His mom cooked for days. This was a cultural experience for me. Christmas at our house was typically turkey and all the trimmings, sometimes with ham also and always, Pa's pies. Dom's mother made lasagna, ravioli, sausage, spaghetti with meat balls, green salad, gnocci and dessert was cannoli and a fruit tart - all of it homemade from scratch. (I got to help with the ravioli the day before in the morning.) At the time, we were sure Dom and I would spend the rest of our lives together. No, he wasn't my intellectual equal but he was nice, fun, had a big heart and we loved each other to pieces. Unfortunately I was a high school girl and you know high school girls, it IS all about us, or so I thought. I was selfish and learned to regret that, unfortunately by then it was too late. It was a learning experience but that break-up hurt. It hurt a lot. Dom and I broke up a week before our Junior Prom. (One of my male buddies asked me to the Prom and I gladly accepted - he and I decided we were too good of friends to try to ruin it with a romantic relationship and we remain friends to this day.)
They say time heals all wounds and three months later I found a new attraction the summer I was 16. This relationship would have obstacles from the "get go" including distance, 800 miles worth of distance and that was just a start. I met Kelly in Canada. We were at the Young Life camp called Malibu. It was a one-week camp and afterward we corresponded. I lived in San Jose, CA, and he lived in Alder, WA, a little town outside of Eatonville (which as coincidence would have it, is where my former Junior Prom date now lives, Eatonville was established by his relatives). After graduation I went to college in my hometown and Kelly went into the Air Force. I'm not sure if this was really love or if it was more of the idea of romance, he was kind of a bad boy and this was my first experience with a bad boy. Kelly had military leave the Christmas I was 18 and I was invited to his home for the week after Christmas. I went, we discovered we did have feelings for each other. My parents gave me permission to get engaged, if that happened. Well, Kelly and I almost ran off and eloped. What stopped us was that Kelly wasn't sure of the logistics of showing up back at the air base in Biloxi, Mississippi with a new wife in tow. So we decided to wait and write. It was a good decision. Eventually the letters became fewer and far between.
I will always remember my first loves with fondness. I have no clue whatever happened to Tommy or Kelly. Dom's life took some interesting twists and turns. Unfortunately Mitch's life ended much too soon.
And in case anyone is wondering, I'm very happy with the love I have now. He's a keeper.
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